just a little bit harder

I haven’t talked much about my anxiety in a while.*  But unfortunately, that’s not because it has gone away. While I have finished the slow process of going off my meds, and have now been off them for a couple of months, there does seem to have been a reason I was on them. Everything was just a little bit easier when I was on my drugs. I found it a bit easier to cope with problems, quite a bit easier to sleep (my insomnia has come back much stronger than its been in years), easier to handle stress and over working. I miss that little bit of easier. Things are generally a bit harder now.There’s more struggle.

I don’t want to go back on the drugs if I can help it. Even if the risk of birth defects is only increased by a couple of percentage points, I worry enormously about what would happy to my potential baby’s brain as it’s developing. I mean they barely understand what SSRIs do in our brains, why they help with anxiety and depression. So how can they (they being the medical community here) know how they affect the developing brain of a fetus?

But equally, I don’t want to be miserable. That wouldn’t be good for the fetus either, as they do know that too much stress hormone is really quite bad for the fetus.

I’m kind of seeing how things go. But I just wish things were easier! And I’m waiting for them to develop artificial wombs.

 

*Ok side note. And this is so random but – what is the difference between awhile and a while? I have never known and always written both versions willy nilly.

 

 

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1 comment
  1. meridith said:

    I hear you on the meds. I’ve got a different class of things that make life easier and doctors know as much about it as they do with SSRIs. I’ve really struggled with what to do if I become pregnant but so far it isn’t (and may never be) a bridge I have to cross. It’s hard. I’m rooting for you. As for the words, I think of awhile as a period of time (we were happy for awhile) and while as passage of time (it happened while I slept).

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