I suppose it is still summer (though really, this weekend was a bit mixed), but thinking of these last few posts as a summer recap is making me happy. So there.
After the counselor, we did have a bit of a wait until I got my period. basically I had happened to be a few days into my period when we had the first doctor’s appointment, and it was too late to get the tubes test done that cycle. So we had to wait about a month and then call for an appointment, and then wait for the appointment.
But finally, we had the tubes test. They shoot some radioactive dye into your womb via your cervix, and push it up your tubes, and then x-ray you to make sure the dye got all the way up there, thus indicating your tubes are open.
It was the most painful 20 minutes of my life.
As I have mentioned before, I find pap smear/smear tests (depending on your side of the ocean) really, really, really painful. I have cried every time I’ve had one done, they don’t get better, and every time someone tells me to ‘just relax’ I want to punch them in the face. If I could fucking relax, I would fucking relax. And I just do not believe that the level of pain I have can just be caused by my lack of relaxation…
But I digress. I knew I find speculums (is that a plural word? I mean I’m down on speculum singular so I hope I don’t have to use the plural much more) painful, so I was already worried about the test – obviously if they’re sticking stuff up my cervix. they’re going to use a speculum. B came with me for the appointment, which made me feel better, but then they wouldn’t let her come in the room with me because of the radiation, which made me feel worse. I did actually cry before I even got in the examination room (and YES, I know that means I probably wasn’t very RELAXED).
I was really scared – but realistically? I wasn’t scared enough. Smear tests take 20 seconds or so, if you have a good/motivated doctor or nurse, and let me tell you, having a panicking and sobbing patient often leads to highly motivated doctors. So the longest I’ve had a speculum in is maybe 30 seconds.
This was at least 5 minutes.
I was in so much pain, they almost stopped the test (to which I said, “is there any other way to do this?” “No.” “So I’d just have to come back and do it again?” “Yes” “THEN KEEP GOING!!!” I wasn’t going through that a second time ). I basically co-opted one of the nurses to just stand there and hold my hand – she actually had to designate someone else to do the job she was supposed to be doing. I was sobbing uncontrollably, and it felt – seriously, it really felt – like someone was pulling me apart from the inside out.
The actual tube test can be painful. It makes you feel like someone’s kicked you in the stomach with period pains, it’s very disconcerting and it does hurt. But that pain – it was NOTHING compared to the pain from the speculum. It was a candle next to the great fire of London.
When they finally finished (though I know they were trying to go as fast as they could), they lead me into a bathroom where B was waiting, and she helped me calm down and get dressed. The good news was they had found that my tubes were clear. yay. But boy did that hurt. And it hurt for days. I couldn’t sit down properly for a week
I’m now even more terrified of the actual insemination process, and even less able to relax. Sigh.