How long have you been trying?

In the NHS, the way it works is, you have tests to see what’s up with all your fertility bits, and then you get a referral to the fertility service.

So there I was, having drunk about a swimming pool’s worth of water and not peed for what felt like ages, lying on the table with an ultrasound wand on my jellied-up stomach.

Relax, said the ultrasound woman.

Sorry, I replied, it’s just really interesting!

So she very kindly turned the screen toward me so that I could see what was happening, and started narrating my inside bits. Do you know, when you’ve drank all the water in the whole world, your bladder is really big?

Also, my ovaries were NOT in the spots I thought they were. Though to be fair, the right one was. The left one however is much more center and down than I thought! This is apparently totally normal.

So you’re wanting to get pregnant? she said.

Yup! I said.

How long have you been trying?

Erm…well I’m a lesbian, I said.

There was a short, awkward silence.

So…forever, I added.

We laughed. Awkward moment over. (I love making same sex relationships more normal for people.) Narration of my insides continued.

Verdict: All my insides are in the right places, the right sizes, and doing the right things.


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