Yeah that’s totes me. Except for the whole, religious, mother of god, straight thing.

One problem that some lesbian mothers might face, that your average straight mother (though I won’t make sweeping statements here…) doesn’t is the whole…virgin thing.

Weird, I know. And to be fair this isn’t a problem for all lesbians, once again with the not wanting to make sweeping statements about other people’s sex lives! But for me, this comic is a bit appropriate, and as funny as I find it that I am kind of going to be having a virgin birth, I am also terrified of the pain.

Not just the pain of labour – obviously that is way fear inducing. But more immediately – the pain of getting inseminated.

Here’s how it works – just like with a pap smear, a speculum is used to, er, open things up, and then a catheter is inserted beyond the cervix and some nice fast sperm is inserted into the womb to hopefully fertilize the egg that is sitting there.

My problem with this, the pain part and the fear part, is the speculum.

Pap smears are incredibly difficult for me – they hurt like a bitch. And so I need to figure out ways to address this. Because I’ll have to sit there, with a speculum up my hoo-ha (which in the instance of pap smears makes me actually sob with the pain), for several minutes while they do the whole catheter/sperm bit. I can’t picture the pain, but I know it’s not going to be nice. So – any ideas?

  1. Hello! I immediately wanted to comment on this as soon as I read the part where speculums hurt you. They hurt me too(and unlike you, I am a lover of the penis 😉 hehe). No need to make your hoo-ha wider, you just need the doctor to get a smaller speculum. After years of dealing with this, I brought it up during my last exam. My doctor looked at me, asked why I never had said anything, and grabbed a smaller one. It made a HUGE difference.

  2. thanks for the advice! i will try this – the doctor tried a smaller one for a smear about 6 months ago which unfortunately did not help…but that was because she couldn’t see my cervix with it (what’s that internet? TMI, you say?). However at my last, incredibly painful one, I got a super useful tip from the nurse to jump up and down to get my cervix lower before they do a smear, so perhaps if I do BOTH these things….

  3. Some women are just very, very sensitive down there. I was watching some television show about different “sex disorders”. There was this poor woman, she was so sensitive that it was incredibly painful to have sex or get pap smears. To the point where she had to be put under to have them done, and hadn’t had sex in years. So sad 😦

  4. Yeah I’m definitely hoping that’s not me!!!

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